Today would have been my mom’s 3rd Second Birthday. For bone marrow and stem cell transplant recipients, the date of transplant becomes the patient’s Second Birthday.

August 24, 2007 is my mom’s Anniversary of transplant. In a hospital room at MD Anderson in Houston, mom received this amazing gift from Bruce. We learned later that had she not received that transplant, her passing would have come much sooner than it did.

Even though she cannot celebrate with us here, I am so very grateful for the extra time we all had. Our family made more lasting memories, including a week in the Smokies, a family reunion with her sister’s family that brought 24 of us together, and a treasured portrait taken last November. In 2009, my mom turned 60 and my parents celebrated 40 years of marriage. Without her transplant these events never would have happened. Through all of the loss and the ups and downs of mom’s illness, I believe she was led to the right doctors and people when needed. And I’ve heard that she touched so many people along the way as well.

Until Mom’s transplant, I had heard of bone marrow transplants, but only third or fourth hand from friends of friends. Mom went through the necessary testing to find a match, learning that there was a perfect match to be found, and ultimately receiving the gift of life. Each of those steps along the way to her transplant provided much needed hope for all of us who loved her so much. And through this time, I found a cause that I will continue to support in any way that I can.

To honor what would have been my Mom’s 3rd Second Birthday, I urge you to learn more about the Be The Match Organization and what it means to become a donor. I hope to announce another drive in her memory in the Winter or the Spring. And in another post, I’ll let you all in on some upcoming fundraising opportunities in my local area and my trip to Atlanta to help with their inaugural Be The One Run.

It’s been about a month now since I booked my trip to Europe. And ever since I booked it, I have had this nagging feeling. Not out of fear of going alone to a city I’ve never visited. But out of concern for my own financial goals. And sure enough, it felt like everywhere I turned, I’d have a subtle reminder to listen to that nagging feeling.

Over the weekend I took a very careful look at my finances and came to the conclusion now is not the time to go. Because my Goal is to be financially fit by my next ‘milestone’ birthday. I have an extremely caring father that listens to me work through things and offers advice. As a single person, I haven’t had to be accountable to anyone else and I’m not very good at saying no to myself. And I’ve got Dave Ramsey on my mind.

If you haven’t heard of Dave yet, he’s a radio show host and author that focuses on personal finance. He’s extremely popular in the South and takes a no holds barred approach to being honest with yourself regarding your financial situation. One of my very closest friends introduced me to Dave about 3 years ago during a visit to Houston and that conversation sticks with me.

One of my favorite Dave quotes?

The difference between a dream and a goal is a PLAN. – Dave Ramsey

I have many reasons why I am not where I want to be from a personal finance point of view. I’m not going to list them here, but as another of my favorite quotes begins, you need to start where you are.

My dream? My dream still remains to travel back to Spain and to see Portugal.

My plan? My plan starts today – that by the time I turn 40 (ok that kind of hurt to type that …) – I will be debt free except for my house. That’s my plan. So I’ll be saying ‘no’ to plans a bit more, unless of course I win the lottery. But that’s okay. Because when I reach that goal, I intend to plan one kick ass trip to Europe.

Today is an unofficial milestone – 100 days since my mom’s passing. 100 days that I haven’t heard her voice or made her laugh. 100 days since my father lived with his wife in their dream home on the lake. 100 days since my family felt whole.

Three years ago, 100 days had a very different meaning. In August of 2007 mom underwent her bone marrow transplant at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Texas. For 100 days post transplant, mom needed to be within a 10 minute drive of the hospital, should she require immediate medical attention. My parents relocated their lives from Tennessee to Houston and through the precarious time of chemotherapy and infusion, we received hopeful updates. As she was discharged, the doctors called my mom their miracle patient, her recovery so quick and her prognosis so hopeful.

This 100 day mark is another first, and I’ve heard the firsts are the most difficult. A week to the day of her passing, numbness helped to dull the pain of our first Mother’s Day. Since then, my brother, my younger nephew and I have all had birthdays. Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday and I so wish I could be in TN. But a close family friend is taking him out for sushi, one of his favorite meals.

I have been healing, but it’s been slow. I still wince when a friend mentions a mom’s visit or needing her mom when she’s ill. The sharp pain is almost immediate and it can take some time to recover. I can say, though, that the memories are more often bringing smiles and laughter rather than tears. The missing is an ache I can’t describe. I’ve not yet been able to attend my local Motherless Daughters meeting, but through a friend at work, I’ll soon be talking with someone who has also lost her mom.

At dinner on Saturday, my friend Kim commented that I’ve been cheated, and she’s right, I have. My mom will never meet the man who becomes my husband and should I have children, they will only get to know her through my brother’s kids and through pictures. But she will be here, because I feel her presence every day. She’s in my mannerisms and actions. Tangible reminders are all around me. Her high school portrait sits in my office, and it still takes my breath away to think her life has already been lived. I also see my mom in the intricate and beautiful curtains she lovingly made for me, the family portrait from last November, and the recipes in her writing.

Starting tomorrow, for at least the next 100 days, I am going to focus on being grateful. I have been so used to living my life ‘out loud’ since I first started the Team Suzie blog in 2007. But this upcoming time is just for me. I may write about it, I may not. I want to shift my focus, as best I can, from the pain of my loss to hoping for things to come.

According to the Giving USA 2010 report, charitable donations declined 3.6% in 2009 over the previous year. The majority of donations still come from individuals, but the decrease has had a huge impact on charitable organizations. I receive donation requests on a daily basis. My current giving budget is less than in years past, but I still allocate for charitable giving and I want to ensure the funds are being used wisely.

Photo courtesy of iStockPhoto

In 2002, I walked the Avon 3 Day in Massachusetts to raise funds for breast cancer research. To participate, I had to raise approximately $2500 dollars and the production company would provide support and lodging for the two nights of the event. I reached my fund raising goal and walked the event until a freak May snowstorm caused hypothermia and a change in my plans. I walked in memory of my grandmother and great aunt, and I was so proud of my own efforts and of the generosity of my family and friends.

Not too long after the weekend I learned that only 57% of the funds raised for the national 3 Day Events were being distributed to the charitable organizations. My response? I felt disillusioned and angry. I had reached out and requested donations a cause I believed in. Family and friends stepped up to the plate and supported me for the event. I reviewed the materials and nowhere in the literature was the true dollar amount that reached the charitable organizations disclosed. I was angry at the production company, but also at myself. I had not done my homework and felt that I had supported this ‘business’ more than the cause.

This experience has totally changed how I view charitable organizations. Now, before I even consider making a donation, I turn to Charity Navigator. The organization analyzes thousands of charities and rates Organizational Efficiency (how efficiently and responsibly a charity functions day to day) and Organizational Capacity (how well a charity is positioned to sustain its programs over time).

Numbers don’t lie and the site has guided my giving plans for several years. Unless a charity receives a 3 Star rating or better, meaning they exceed or meet industry standards, then I do not donate. Even if it’s a friend or family member asking for the support. I explain why I chose not to give, and share information from the site. I know that when I give to an organization that has achieved this rating, I can be confident that my donation is being used as it should.

It is important to note that Charity Navigator is a charitable organization that survives on donations from users of the site. They review their organization using their own vigorous ratings and a Board of Directors reviews the results. Since they are so integral in my giving strategy, I decided it was time to include them on my list of supported organizations.

Resources:
www.charitynavigator.org
www.pallottateamworks.com

I’m making a few tweaks to the blog this week. I updated to Thesis 1.7 and lost my header, so I’m going to work on getting that to show up.

Stay tuned …

8/3/10 Update: Well … so far not so good with the upgrade. I’m looking into other (free) template, so you may see different looks as you come to visit the site! I’m going to keep searching for the one that seems just right …

When I left home this morning it was 84 degrees – inside. I have central A/C that has been on the fritz for two weeks. As any of my Facebook friends could tell you, this has been the source of several desperate pleas for sympathy as my status updates range from frustration to sheer joy at the sight of the A/C man:

The air is thick with humidity and I can visualize hard earned money flying out the window for what it will take to rectify the situation.

Despite several offers of a cool, dry place to crash, I am hesitant. I have a pet that is highly adverse to change. Not to blame it all on Sophie, but she’s quite a handful and I’m not sure I want to subject my friends to her idiosyncrasies. And I don’t totally feel comfortable leaving her at home to fend for herself. So for now, I’m choosing to stick it out.

A recent news report put my current lack of A/C in complete perspective. I was seated on my couch, my fan on high and two feet away from my face, when the Today show aired a 6 month update on Haiti. Since the story had been the headlines for such a long time, I had started to tune out reports. This time, I listened.

In one segment, the images showed a Red Cross supported camp in which several of the shelters have been built using the debris from destroyed buildings of a neighborhood that once stood nearby. In a country where the average daily high temperature for most months exceeds 90F, Haitians are living in an unimaginable reality. Inside tents and makeshift shelters, the heat is sweltering. And unlike my situation, there isn’t relief just an arm’s reach or phone call away.

The same report included the startling fact that of all the monies promised by governments in the days after the disaster, to date only 10% has come through. People on the ground in Haiti must now attempt to respond with only a small portion of the expected funding. It’s tough – life continues and new tragedies arise that draw attention away and require their own support. The situation with the BP Oil Disaster immediately comes to mind. But  I’ve always heard that no matter how it may seem, there are always people in much more difficult situations. So while I don’t revel in the reality that I will be going home to a very warm and humid home this evening, I am also seeing it in perspective. At the end of the day, I’m so very lucky and this situation is a temporary reality. And since I haven’t made a donation this month, this time I’ll send it to Hope for Haiti’s Children’s Center in the hopes it can do a little bit of good.

I have wanderlust. If my budget allowed, I would travel much more often than I do today. My travel bucket list includes the near – Portland, Seattle, Quebec – and the far – Denmark, Greece, New Zealand.

We traveled quite a bit growing up, with road trips to visit family and excursions in the pop-up camper. And travel ultimately dictated my choice of foreign language instruction. Upon learning that the Spanish classes went to Mexico and the French classes to Quebec, I chose German and participated in a 3 week exchange program during the summer of ’88 that reinforced what has now become a lifelong passion.

Image courtesy of iStockPhoto

Through work I visited upwards of a dozen countries, but after a while the insides of airports, board rooms and hotel rooms all start to look the same. If I need a distraction from the day to day, I turn to the web to research ‘fun’ trips. As a convert away from hotels, I start by logging on to VRBO. In fact, I’m jealous of their traveling bear. These travel dreams give me extra incentive to work hard and save up.

Since my boomerang relocation from Boston to Atlanta and back again, my passport has been woefully neglected. The other day I found it, wedged between two random folders in my filing cabinet. I have my reasons my travel dropped off – my job no longer required overseas travel, my friends were otherwise occupied with husbands and kids, and my brief and illustrious stint as a Realtor had depleted my savings.

But the most significant reason by far was the fear of being too far away during my mom’s battle with myelofibrosis. During her more hopeful months, we’d talk often of one day going to Ireland when she recovered. And while that trip did not happen, I am so grateful that my parents got to go on some amazing trips on their own and at other times, with some of their dearest friends.

The loss of my mom has reinforced that life is too short and that life is about choices and adventures. About two weeks ago a funny thing happened during my lunchtime surfing on VRBO … I discovered two amazingly affordable and adorable apartments. I hesitated before booking, filled with questions and fears about going on my own. Then I reread the letter my mom had left me. In it, she talked about her belief that I can do anything and her admiration of my sense of adventure, including my decision to move to Boston fresh out of college without knowing a soul.

Keeping mom’s words in mind, I booked my trip. My passport and I will be quite busy, traveling between apartments in Lisbon and Seville. The trip is still 9 months away, but I can already feel the excitement building with each person I tell. During my solo trip I plan to live like a local, focus on my writing, and take stock of my life. And I’m sure my mom will be with me every step of the way.

According to recent data, there are over 1 million public charities and private foundations registered in the United States. Each needs to find a way to generate support and donations. And each must learn to set itself apart. Larger organizations such as the American Cancer Society are often supplemented by smaller organizations that focus on a more specific subset of diseases, such as the MPD Foundation. Traditionally, without name recognition or corporate support, smaller organizations relied on costly initiatives to get their message heard.

Image courtesy of iStockphoto.com

The power of word of mouth to raise awareness has created a shift in the nonprofit space. Today, social media can revolutionize how organizations reach potential supporters and donors. Several of the more widely recognized tools are available at low to no cost, at least from a financial perspective. These initiatives do require a consistent time and resource investment to build and maintain momentum. Three of the most common tools include blogging, creating a Facebook presence, and employing Twitter:

Blogging – web site content serves to paint a picture of an organization and content does not often change. To start a blog, free tools such as WordPress and Blogger allow for a rapid launch and content can evolve based on reader interaction.  Topics idea range from life ‘in the trenches’ at your organization to volunteer profiles to success stories. Cradles to Crayons, an organization I learned about at work, runs a blog that keeps me engaged not by just talking about their initiatives. And one recent post covered a favorite topic of mine – ice cream!

Facebook - pages create an community online where supporters can ‘meet’ and discuss your mission. Pages allow the creation of events, links to external content and uploading of picture albums. For a young organization such as the Sharon Antcliff Foundation, Facebook provides a visibility they may not have been able to achieve on their own. Even though this organization is based halfway across the company, a high school friend shared a post and I know follow their mission to support families of patients with Early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. This devastating disease affected the Antcliff family and this organization has been founded by Kevin in memory of his mom.

Twitter - I hesitated to sign up for Twitter. To be honest, I didn’t get it. But once I built up the number of accounts I followed, its value became more and more apparent. Of the tweets I see each day, about 1/3 are retweets. And through a retweets I was reintroduced to the Greater Boston Food Bank. When I started to follow the GBFB, they had under 500 followers – they are now up to just over 2500 followers that receive their tweets. And as more and more people are turning to food banks, they need to support the community. Twitter enables them to share event information, recognize donations from other food banks, and request donations.

Social media tools can help a nonprofit organization extend their reach far beyond their physical location. With a clear mission, dedicated staff and enthusiastic group of supporters, these organizations have the ability to make a greater impact than ever before.

Today marks 7 weeks since my mom’s passing and we are all still trying to navigate this new reality. My dad is learning how to be on his own for the first time in 41 years, and I can hear in his voice how much he misses my mom. I am so grateful that my brother and his family are visiting this weekend. We all talked this morning and the Sunday morning ritual run to Dunkin Donuts continues.

I reread my posts about my mom’s illness and noticed how infrequently my dad is mentioned. He has always been the foundation of our family – our strength and our rock. Even before mom’s illness, he was also our voice of reason, at times overly practical but always caring and loving, helping Dave & I mature and grow into adults. He is our own personal class clown. He has an amazing sense of humor, somewhat questionable at times, but always at the ready to appreciate and share a good joke. We got to watch our parents renew their relationship after we left the house, and it was wonderful to see. I consider my brother and I very lucky – we always knew we were loved, no matter what.

My dad claims that he learned how to be a caregiver from a good friend and neighbor whose wife had a devastating stroke. He watched this friend love and involve his wife as she faced her new normal. He emulated this friend when my mom became ill. I have said many times I would give anything to turn back the hands of time and for my mom to not have myelofibrosis, to not have passed at 61 years of age. I have to look now to what I learned from my parents about what it means to truly love.

Holding Hands at the Relay for Life 2009 - picture by Kelly Frank

Love can be as simple as making a favorite meal, propping pillows, and reading when a person can no longer read themselves. And holding hands, loving can be holding hands. I can see my parents sitting side by side on the couch, watching TV, their hands intertwined. My dad maintained the day to day, administering medications, taking temperatures and driving to appointments. Through all the ups and downs of the disease, he never lost sight of my mom as his wife and best friend.

No matter what the future holds for our family, I will never forget how amazing my father has been in support of mom and now of all of us as we move forward. And I am comforted with the knowledge that had the roles been reversed, my mom would have done the very same for him.

Happy Father’s Day Dad – I love and respect you more than you can know.

Sometimes in life you need an escape from the stresses of the day to day. As I have grown up, one of my favorite escapes has been to grab a good book – or these days find a great blog – and read. I love that reading has the ability to take you to new places or to enjoy new experiences.

Given that I am in my late 30s and have never been married, it might be surprising that one of my favorite blogs to read is Divorced Before 30. To be honest, I don’t recall how I found this blog, but on Emma’s ‘Blogoir’, she shares the reality of marrying only to realize that the person you have married is not the right person for you. Emma’s writing is witty, open and honest. And something that I find extremely important is that throughout her posts, she acknowledges her part in the end of her union and never blames her ex.

I was pulled in from the first post – “How I Left My Husband on My Lunch Break“. At the time I started reading, the blog was still in its infancy and it only took reading 15 or so posts to become current. Since then, Emma has created a ‘cheat sheet‘ for people to read through and understand the context of new posts. If you have the time, I would highly recommend you read through each post. What I particularly enjoy is that even though these experiences will never be shared for me, given my age and marital status, I can relate to so much of what Emma writes.

My Hope in a Diaper

When my friends came to visit with their new baby this past weekend, my mind went to a post ‘Hope in a Diaper‘ that explains how she would have liked to view her nephew’s day of baptism – as ‘A tiny human being. A squeaky-clean slate. Hope in a diaper.’And what pet owner – dog, cat and probably iguana – can’t relate to the stress you feel when your four-legged friend is in distress and letting you know loud and clear, as she documents in ‘Prone to Acting Out‘.

Lest you think the writing is reminiscent of a ‘Chick Lit’ novel, I want to reassure you that the emotions and situations are quite realistic. Even though the blog’s header has Emma standing next to a Dead End sign on her wedding day, it seems to me that this has been quite a new beginning. As for me, I’ll keep reading to find out what happens next!